Is “Life Coaching” for you?

Initial Questions we explore with Coaching Prospects

 

  • Do you find yourself, “needing to prove yourself?” … Our suggestion is to “Improve Yourself”

We’ve discovered when you change your lens (just like on a camera) you can change your life – it’s your perspective that determines the outcomes you achieve.  We’ve all heard the platitude – “Achieve Balance in your Life!”   It is a popular cliché, that said, we believe that you should try “Blend vs. Balance” in your life.  For years I’ve loved to watch birds at the shorelines of lakes, rivers, oceans, etc., and have noticed some things that help me and many others in life … quit flapping and soar and you’ll observe your stress dissipating as you glide along with the currents of your surroundings.

  • When seeking solutions to your personal or professional circumstances, do you find your thoughts are “Wandering Generalities vs. Meaningful Specifics?

“There are known knowns — there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns — that is to say, we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don’t know we don’t know.” ~ Donald Rumsfeld.  As unique as our issues, solutions, and futures are there are “proven solutions” to our enigmas … we use a “four-pane window” graphic to lead us through the journey we call getting from “Unconscious Incompetence” to “Unconscious Competence

 What do you want to do? What do you want to have?  What do want to share with the World?

 Some will look at those three (3) questions and describe them as the “trifecta” of life. We’ve been asked those questions (or iterations thereof) by our parents, our teachers, and hopefully by ourselves for years … and we’ll add “a kicker’ – W H Y!  Over the many years we’ve been Coaching those three questions wrapped with a neat bow of WHY leads to success. We’ve all been through the crucible to “trial and error” and we’ve found out cuts and bruises heal.  That said, Albert Einstein told us, “The same level of thinking that got you into this problem; Can’t get you out of that problem.” History is full of examples of those who, out of frustration,  “Give Up” … IF they don’t give up, they give in! They “settle” for outcomes they could have “stood up against” … “If you fight FOR your limitations – YOU GET TO KEEP THEM!” Let’s look at that last statement again … IF you fight for your limitations ~ when you give in and say, I can’t do that, or it can’t be done, or that’s not how I was raised, etc” – then – you’ve given up, given in, quit, walked away – in other words, you’ve consigned yourself to failure. BUT (and you know what that is in our language – a “coordinating conjunction” used to connect ideas that contrast) in everyday language it means “erase everything previous to it. BUT, you don’t have to take that path … we’re here to help, we know you have the ability to change outcomes you’re not satisfied with; You don’t need to prove … you need to improve and that’s what Rezults Group, Inc is all about. Proven process, years of experience, patience, understanding, standing with you, side-by-side ~ “not with answers” instead, with support … we hold you accountable and you “Become the person you want to become” You’ll answer those (3) questions, you’ll know your “WHY” and life will be “your creation” “your goals” and “your outcomes”

  • Are you happy? – what’s your answer to that question right now?

  “Fantastic, but getting better” “Superb but still improving” Regardless of whether you are happy or not. Stay positive, but focus on improving, not where you are. Also “positivity won’t help you do anything, but it will help you do everything, better than negativity will.” ~ Zig Ziglar

Story of the three bricklayers

The story of the three bricklayers:  each was asked what they were doing. The first replied “I am laying bricks”.  The second said “I am building a church”.  The third said “I am building a cathedral to glorify God!”  My take?  The first person had a job, the second a career, the third a calling.

Perhaps if would be helpful to provide a few definitions of job, career and calling.  These are my simple definitions; you may have your own if you think about it.  A job is simply what sustains income.  We get our money from a job.  When the job is over, we go home and do not think about it until we show up for the job the next day.

A career sustains intellect.  A career does not end when we go home for the day.  It is something that we think about incessantly.  It keeps us up at night grappling with tough issues.  It is a pursuit of progressive professional achievement.

A calling sustains life.  It is a gift to your soul.  You cannot picture yourself doing anything else.

A colleague of mine recently shared these concepts with a client of his, Tony M.  Tony is head of a Rescue Mission and an ordained minister.  Over ten years ago he asked me to stay for a few minutes after the meeting.  When we were settled, he asked me to coach him.  I think his exact words were “God has called me to work with you.”  Who was I to say no to that?

After more than twenty years of being the living personae of the RM, a job has become a calling, and in fact, it has become Tony’s identity.  Tony is preparing to retire at some point in the future.  He is figuring out what retirement will look like when RM is no longer a part of his life.  During the conversation, he asked me the most insightful question I think I have ever been asked.  He asked: “How do I divorce identity from calling?”

I see it all the time in my practice.  It starts with a founder.  Like a child, the business grows, thrives, and sustains the family.  The founder has a kid who gets into the business, and at some point, wants to run the business.  Since the founder’s identity and calling are so deeply intertwined, there is an inevitable fight over the business.  Best case, the business is transferred in an orderly fashion.  Worst case, the child is no longer welcome at Thanksgiving dinner.   I have sometimes coached the founder, sometimes the next generation.  Neither is without angst or challenge.

I am sure a calling that just happens is for some people.  If that is the way it happens for you, great.  That is not the way it is for most of us.  For most of us, a calling develops over time.  It starts with the economic necessity of keeping a roof overhead and food on the plate.  It starts with a job.  Something about the job is fulfilling, so you work hard at the job, and you get better at it.  Someone notices, and you get paid more, which makes you want to get better at it.  You get better at it, and you do more of it.  And so on.  You may pause at the career stage, or you go on because it becomes your calling.  When you reach the calling stage, you cannot even consider not doing it.

A calling becomes an identity when the two become inextricably linked in your mind.  Others cannot see the difference either.  Back to Tony.  How do we leave the identity without leaving the calling?  Here are some of the things we talked about.

1.  Define your top strengths.  
What are the top two or three things that make you uniquely you? What are your gifts or blessings?  What direction do your top strengths point you?  How can you use your top strengths to be of service?

2.  Define the things you are weak at or hate to do.  
Ask yourself: “Why am I doing this?”  Is there someone else that can it for you? Perhaps you can pay someone to do it.

3.  Define your purpose.
Define it by completing this sentence:
“I live to ____________________ __________________”.
Resist the temptation to add more than two words. What is it you live to do?  Your purpose is most likely not running a business or organization.  It may not even be job related.

Mine is “I live to develop people”.  It is what I do from the moment I get up in the morning.  My hope is that people who interact with me will be better for the interaction. Notice, though, that it is not “I live to develop others”.  It is people, and I am a “people” too.  I must be the best I can be to help others be the best they can be.

4.  Let your purpose become your identity.  If your purpose is your identity, it cannot be taken away from you.

It is that easy, right?  If you would like to talk about letting your purpose become your identity, give me a call. You can call me at 801-560-9945. And as always, I can be reached here and on LinkedIn.

Issue # 13 – Tolerance

TOLERANCE … WHAT’S IT COSTING YOU?

“To put up with; Capacity to withstand pain or hardship;”

That’s what Webster’s has to say about it.  We only have to examine our daily lives to see what we tolerate and how we feel about it.  If you’ve been able to redefine what you want out of certain circumstances from “expectations” to “preferences” you’ve made great steps to mitigate this tolerance I’m talking about.  If you haven’t, then I suspect life isn’t as much fun as it could be, or should be!

This week’s topic has to do with achieving your goals, living your dreams, and fulfilling your purpose in life.

Goal setting and goal achieving are not skills we as a society have mastered.  Before you condemn my statement let’s review some statistics.  Department of Commerce findings indicate that 3-5% of retirees have sufficient resources to maintain the lifestyles they had before retiring.  Several college studies prove time and again that those who make a habit of writing out their goals achieve significantly more than those who don’t.  Indicating most people don’t write out their goals.  All goals aren’t necessarily financial but between financial and weight I’d venture to say they comprise the vast majority of goals set by Americans.  Newspapers recently have decried the state of American’s weight indicating we are the most overweight nation in the World.  Our government studies indicate the average Net Worth of American’s who reach age 65 is less than $ 45,000 and that includes the equity in their homes.  The same sources state the average American worker earns approximately $ 44,011 … let’s assume the number is

$ 40,000 and that a typical worker works from age 25-65 (40 years) … the total income is

$ 1,600,000.  If one would only save  $ 100 per month (or 3%) of their gross and do so for those 40 years they would have saved $ 48,000 and if they would have invested wisely in a mutual fund that sought long term gains from growth and income-oriented stocks, like The Investment Company of America ( an American Funds Group of Funds) that $ 48,000 would be worth $ 1,108,921.  The period would span April 1, 1965 – March 31, 2005; this hypothetical assumes the highest commissions and fees are paid; there have been no allowances for taxes (State or Federal) (see attachment for complete details of this hypothetical plan)  This is not a recommendation, I am not a licensed securities advisor, but I was one for over 29 years spanning 1973 – 2002 and many of my clients have investments in that very fund as do I.  The point is that saving only 3% of one’s gross salary for 40 years can add up to a meaningful amount of money.  If we reduced the final total by 38% to allow for taxes along the way there would still be $ 687,531 left to augment retirement.  The difference between being 65 years old and having a Net Worth of $ 45,000 and having $ 687,531 is 15.28 times as much.

SO … What’s the answer? 

What prevents us from achieving our goals?  Could we tolerate too much?  What can I do?

Here at Rezults Group, we advocate setting goals and achieving goals.  We say goals should be W.H.Y.S.M.A.R.T. goals. [ Written Harmonious Yours Specific Measurable Attainable Realistically high Time specific ]  To get to the point where we actually write out our goals we first go through an exercise where we identify and write out our Dreams.  We take a very in-depth look at our lives from several perspectives. We look at our Mental, Social, Physical, Financial, Family, and Moral lives.  We discover who we are, who we were and who we want to be.  The process is very defined, we meet weekly and facilitate these and other topics.  Probing and deep questions are covered to allow us to discover ourselves.  We balance this aspect of our selves with our professional side.  Doing similar exercises in that area of our lives.  We balance professional and personal goals throughout the process.  Individuals are held accountable and report progress weekly.  The initial 12 week process is followed up by monthly and finally quarterly meetings to ensure maximum growth is achieved … and most importantly the growth achieved is that which has been mapped out by you!  The goals are your goals.

So what does TOLERANCE have to do with the process?   We ask our clients to write out all the things they are currently tolerating in their professional and personal lives.  We ask them to look at those items, issues, etc., and see if they can quantify what emotional, physical, financial or spiritual costs they are paying because of the tolerances in their lives.  We suggest they eliminate the things they are currently tolerating … if they can’t totally eliminate them then convert them to preferences vs. expectations. Take responsibility for themselves, their lives and set goals that will ultimately eliminate them for good.  These goals would be classified as “Becoming goals” … as opposed to the typical “acquiring things goals.”

Set and achieve W.H.Y.S.M.A.R.T. goals … start today.  Stop tolerating!